The struggle of infertility is heartbreaking. So many hopes and dreams are tied to the ability to have a child, and for a couple struggling with infertility, the pain can be unbearable.
However, modern science and medicine offer options for parents for whom pregnancy is impossible or simply not a wise choice.
If you have chosen surrogacy as a way to expand your family, congratulations. There is little more exciting than bringing new life into the world.
Once you’ve made the decision, though, the real work begins. Before you can move forward, you have to choose a surrogate mother. This woman will go through nine months of pregnancy, as well as labor and delivery to bring you your child.
You want to make sure she is the right person for the job. How do you choose?
We have five essential tips for choosing a surrogate mother.
Close to Home or an Agency?
Surrogates are typically one of two categories.
Either they are a friend or family member of the intended family, or they are listed with a surrogacy agency.
If you have a close friend or family member who has either offered to be your surrogate or who you think would be a good fit, broach the subject with her.
If she is willing, you have your surrogate. If not, look into an agency.
Surrogacy agencies operate a bit like adoption agencies, matching prospective families with surrogate mothers.
Engage a Lawyer
Your surrogacy contract must be ironclad, even if you are working with a close friend or family member.
A lawyer protects all parties by ensuring that the contract has no loopholes or unfair expectations.
Make sure that your lawyer goes through your contract carefully to ensure that everything is as it should be.
Make a Plan
Hiring a surrogate mother is not something you want to “go with the flow” about, no matter how Type B you are.
It’s important to talk with your partner before engaging a surrogate to decide what kind of surrogacy you want, what level of contact you will have with your surrogate, and whether or not you will maintain a relationship afterward.
Having these things clear and in writing prior to selection ensures that expectations are clear.
Choose Your Surrogate Mother Carefully
If you have been trying to start a family for a long time, you may be tempted to rush through choosing your surrogate mother.
But resist the urge and take your time. Surrogacy is an incredible gift. Click here to learn more.
This woman will carry your child through the most vulnerable time of their small life. You want them to share your values, and be confident in the fact that they will take care of themselves and your child.
Trust Your Gut
Even if a surrogate looks good on paper, listen to your gut when you meet her. If anything seems off, choose someone else.
Again, this is an enormous decision. You don’t want to enter into it lightly or with any misgivings.
Trust your gut and trust that the right surrogate will come along, even if you have to say no to a few.
To find an agency that will work with you to connect you with a surrogate, take a look here.